Alice in Wonderland: A Warning

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If ever you choose to make a fantasy film you’ll rarely go wrong by constantly reminding the audience none of its real!

…or so Tim Burton reckons!

Alice in Wonderland is remarkable for the most torturous opening a film has ever mustered – Alice mum’s views on 19th century fashion, some grand garden party in the same frikkin’ country house the last 200 peroidic dramas have used! When Alice leaves this party and chases after the White Rabbit the audience cheers her on – ‘run, be free of this utter tedium, not for your sake but ours!’

Sadly the audience’s ordeal is yet to conclude – Alice must get through a door, which is cruelly too small to pass through. Now she has a tonic that makes her small and a cake that makes her big and for goodness sake surely anyone can work out what to do here. but lamentably no – if Alice runs into John ‘Jigsaw’ Kramer, i suspect much claret will ensue!

Thus before we even have reached ”wonderland” you are bored, listless and frankly irritable. Maybe the visuals that follow could soothe our jangled nerves – but alas, we are tormented with one made up word after another – the frapsus day, frashus day, fra…something. Roald Dahl and Lewis Carroll evidently met.

Those that enjoyed this film evidently passed through the trial by fire that was the intro to this film – I however could not, and for 2 hours no amount of gnarled bark or numbered card soldiers would tempt me back to interest. Why should we care if a Red Queen or clown faced White Queen rules? How does society function – is there currency, jobs, anything? In such a morass would a ‘good’ ruler or a ‘bad’ ruler really make much difference? But of course its a dream, so the outcome is self evidently pointless anyway! A scene in which (on a giant chess board) chess piece based soldiers fight….er….card based soldiers is the sort of ludicrious nonsense to expect

AIW isnt the worst film I have ever seen – but I can honestly say that I did not enjoy a single moment of it. I want to award it a zero star rating, but this is tempered by the knowledge that I have seen worse and this must be recognised.

This film gets a single star from me soley by virtue that it is not as bad as Adam Sandler’s Punch Drunk Love

1/10 – a generous 1/10

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